Happiness: From whence does it come?

I am happy.  I am very happy.  You may not realize that when you look at me because, at my age, I don't run around and jump up and down anymore.  I don't giggle out loud or tell jokes when I am with a group of friends.  I'm not sure if I even smile a whole lot, although I hope I do because I think people look much younger and prettier when they smile.  The point is:  You may never know I am happy by looking at me, nor might you anticipate that I would be a person who would be happy.

I have wondered about it myself.  There are several reasons why the experts might believe I would be unhappy.  I live alone:  statistics say that people who live alone are often depressed.  And, I am getting older.  My daughter has an Ap (new word in our lexicon - is it capitalized?) on her cell phone that has everyone's birthday on it.  Mine is in red this year because this year's birthday is what her phone calls a 'milestone birthday'.  It ends in a zero, so I guess that's all it takes to make it a milestone.  Depression is a common concern in 'the elderly" (good grief - is that soon-to-be demographic?!).  Further, I really need to lose some pounds.  I have thought about that and joined a gym and Weight Watchers.  I just need to go to one of them.  Maybe both.  I would do so if I could seem to get out of work before 7 p.m.  The point is:  Excess weight has been shown to be correlated to depression.  And, I work with very sick children and their families.  Some of them even die, and many of them have significant pain and even suffering.  That, for all intents and purposes, should lead to some real sadness.

But, I am happy.  I am not on antidepressants.  I am just continuously happy.  And, I feel like I need to figure out, and explain, why.

I think I have figured it out, for the most part.  It is really the above list that may be credited with my happiness.  Consider the fact that I work with very sick children and their families.  I will not deny that, some days, I see and am a part of some very sad things.  But, every day, I also get to observe families at their very best.  I see parents who devote themselves, completely, to their children.  I see siblings who make cards for their sick brother or sister and sick kids who want to share their gifts with their siblings at home. I get to watch grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins, friends, classmates and others work to figure out how they can help the family of the sick child.  In other words, I see love in action. No one is arguing about the bad call that the umpire made at the brother's baseball game, or the fact that the algebra teacher asked the sister in the family to stay after school - so she could help her with a tough assignment and, while in the process, give her an extra dose of TLC while her little brother is dying.  No one yells at one another over the routine, insignificant matters of the day.  Rather, they spend every moment cherishing one another and the time they have together.  Of course, there are exceptions to this description, but most families grab the gusto while they have the chance to do so.

And, observing the pain and beauty of these families, reminds me of all that is good in my life, great and small.  My weight and my age become meaningless.  My health, other than a bum knee, is remarkably good 'for my age'.  I eat healthy foods, sleep very well, and do a bit of exercise (I need to increase that). 

And, I really don't live alone.  I live with two amazing dogs who entertain me and love me unconditionally.  They are really terrific roommates and company, and they let me watch whatever I want to on television or read a book or have friends and family over for dinner.  And let me tell you, I thoroughly enjoy 'living alone'.  I have the best of both worlds:  I thoroughly enjoy my own company, and I have a very active social life.  I can choose which I want, when I want.  Not bad if you ask me!

Most importantly and at the root of my happiness is my family. My amazing, wonderful family.  I have a daughter and son-in-law, only a few minutes from me, who are waiting, with eager anticipation, for their adopted baby to find his or her way to them.  They so excited for that amazing moment when they become parents!  My son was in the Air Force during the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, but he came home to me, unscathed.  He and his adorable wife live about 30 minutes from me and are an amazing, loving couple.  

I have a sister who supports me and my kids in every challenge.  As a police chief, she gives very sound, practical and excellent advice!  My brother, sister-in-law and their family live in NC.  Jack and  Betty, my 85-year-old uncle and aunt are still (although tenuously) living on their own, with me doing their grocery shopping and visiting weekly. 

And I have Kim, my best friend, confidante and greatest cheerleader.  Kim works with me, so understands the ups and downs of my work in a way that is very comforting.  Our friendship ensures that I am never lonely.  I can always call Kim and she is ready for a movie, some shopping, or even a vacation together.  She spends every holiday with us, and I, along with all of the rest of my family, consider her to be family, as well.  Yes, I am blessed with an amazing family and they give me strength and joy every day.

So, we are back to where we started.  I'm happy.  And this time, I am not trying to explain it or apologizing about it!  I have every reason in the world to be happy.  I have an understanding of those things that create happiness, and I take very good care of them:  my children, my family, my health, self-care.

Yep, I am happy.  I am very happy.  And, I am smiling!